When it comes to men’s inner work, we are shrouded with a misleading consensus: that men don’t need it!
They don’t ask for it, they are unbothered by it, and surely men are just comfortable the way they are.
The textbook heroic mold can be one of the most unnecessary things men may have to fit themselves to, and not be able to talk about it.
But why does this happen?
Men are conditioned to avoid things that may be wrong. If a man shows vulnerability he is criticized for it.
That left out inner work that does not get done keeps mounting and mounting until it emerges in the form of a mental or emotional crutch.
The ‘Unmanly’ Men’s Inner Work
The biggest misconception about men’s inner work is that the moment you hear of it you think about an awkward setting or a miserable retreat filled with dozens of other men.
Nothing about it checks the socially acceptable roles of what you should be doing with your time, like watching sports or fixing something.
The following is my TEDx talk entitled, “Why Vulnerability is a Human Thing”
While inner work is about seeking help and sharing what is weighing you down in life, the whole process is meant to empower you so that you can be your most authentic self where you are self-aware enough to perform better.
It is time you dare to venture out of that uncomfortable mold and begin the journey of healing and learning.
Why Do Men’s Work
Be Rugged Be Powerful
If you are not smashing goals you are wasting your time with baggage.
For men, there is no time for anything but an established list of milestones that make them successful males in the modern world. And without success at all stages, you are nothing.
Do Inner Work founders Dominick Quartuccio and Bryan Stacy talk about the unhappiest man on earth?
They describe him as a 45-year-old man who has worked for and achieved everything he was told a man should do when he was very young, yet he does not feel happiness, nor anything else.
Inner work teaches you to be empathetic, to listen to yourself before you listen to the world, and to put in the work into the thing that makes you most happy.
Fear is Nothing
Men are taught not to fear when they should be taught to have courage despite fear. Inner work teaches you to acknowledge the fear and still perform.
When you shut off something impossible to eliminate as a human, you learn to suppress other emotions as well and begin to shut off feeling anything.
Women are Not Supposed to Rehabilitate You
When you are not acknowledging what you are feeling for years, it can take a toll on your relationship. You end up dumping unprocessed feelings on them which can be exhausting.
Your partner will always respond in empathy which throws them in the spiral of always picking up the pieces and acting as your therapist, which is not a very healthy relationship.
Men Raise Men
You can take on this journey alone, or you can have someone to mirror you honestly like no one has ever done before. When doing inner work a man will tell you if you need to push yourself to get to where you want to be in terms of inner satisfaction.
At the same time, they will tell you if you are being too hard on yourself.
You will be surprised to know how other men are dealing with the same thing as you. That thought that you cannot explain or make sense of is managed by someone else in the room who has been doing inner work.
Real Men Need Maps
Men need guidance, contrary to the popular opinion where they are expected to know what to do.
Listening to your feelings help you listen to your gut and make the right decisions. Without being able to trust your feelings you will never know what is right for you.
You have not truly lived if you are not daring yourself to quit that job, start that venture, tell her how you truly feel and admit that you need someone to lend you their ear.
These are the real things that teach us how to manage how we feel, how to create the ideal situation so that we perform brilliantly, and how to live our best lives.
Trade Competition for Complementation
Men are so prone to competing with other men to persevere as the alpha male that they enact the same response when met with a partner who is a powerful individual in their own lives and profession.
It should not have to be that way, learn to grow together and let the other person complement you as you do them in everyday life.
It’s Hard to Understand What the Feeling Is
Are you hurt or just hungry. Men are taught to only feel one thing which is anger in any situation of discomfort. We spend our entire lives switching from extreme emotions of passionate love to angry outbursts.
When you don’t know how you truly feel about something how are you going to resolve it?
Most of the time it is other men who see that in you and help you understand what that is. At most men’s inner work circles, you are likely to find men detect your anger, sorrow before you do.
Nobody should have to live all their life according to other people’s expectations and have to suffer an internal turmoil of being ashamed of how you feel.
Men’s inner work helps you overcome these feelings by facing them and moving forward.